I wanted to talk about amazing thing: “How was I confused at work in my first year?”.

I am probably not the only one who feels that way and I wanted to talk about it because I have a feeling that there is no talking about it. People are either afraid or they think that they will lose their job and status among coworkers. I am not afraid of either so, let’s talk.

When I started to work at my first job, selling baked goods in a bakery, I knew I would be confused. It was my first job, I had low self confidence and didn’t have any idea of how “work” things work. I was confused, I listened a lot, I talked a lot, asked questions and I was driven to learn all very quickly and very precisely. The first year pasted and I was an excellent worker. I set my goals high and I was at ease with myself because I knew what I’m doing, I new how to do it all and I had fun with that knowledge.

At my second job, first I worked at the counter answering phone getting orders, organizing production time for the kitchen and selling done orders. I was so insecure and even with lower self confidence than on my first job that I broke most of the glasses and plates. I tripped on so many occasions that I was just amazed with that. I had to be very fast, very precise and always alert of people, of money and of myself.

It was challenging. Later, when I talked with my employer about new workers and how to teach them better, he said to me that it was so easy to teach me. They enjoyed to teach me, while in my head it was disaster after disaster. At that point I realized how one thing can look to me the one way and to others completely different. And when I started to work at the kitchen the food was all over the floor. That first few days my college had to mop the floor all the time. But I learned to work at all spheres of business. I also set my goals high and met them and I was really amazed of how good I can be at something.

Now, at my third job, after 5 years of working and exceeding the same mess is in my head. I come to my work and have no idea of what I will do that day, how will I do it, or if am I capable of it.  I wasn’t even sure if I will  learn it because it has so many little details and no one is telling me if  I’m good at it or bad or “ah…you’ll get better”. I am in the dark even after my 6 month. Now I am impatiently waiting for this first year to be over so that I can feel I achieved something.

Maybe this time is different. I still haven’t set my goals. And even don’t plan to do it. I am not driven as much. I honestly wanted for myself to have a meaningful employment in my 30’s. Maybe I am just sad and disappointed of the situation. I have to live at the moment and maybe the real learning will start when I find peace with myself.

So, what I wanted to say is that it is normal that we feel disorganized and in dark when starting something new and different. Some people don’t have problems with that and I wish they cherish that. But those of you who struggle, don’t worry. It is temporary and it will pass. You will exceed at your tasks and learn all of it. Just be patient and collect information. After some time everything will set to its place and you will enjoy time spent at work.

Zeljka, croatian care leaver